Drip..Drip..Drip

This is the number one madness about living in an apartment, in KL at least. The toilet of the apartment above leaks, into mine! I have been having this problem for months, and I actually braved myself and told (well, I wrote a note and put it into the mailbox - not so brave) my upstairs neighbour about it, only to get a response that he couldn't do anything because he too was waiting for the management to do something. He did stop using the toilet though, so at least I had drip-free toothbrushing sessions at the sink for a while.

And then a someone else moved into the aprtment, and the problem started again. It got worse, actually. I can't even go near the sink, lest I will get water (of what origin, I would rather not know) dripping on my head. So I have to brush my teeth standing a few feet away from the sink. Same goes when I need to put on my lenses. Stinks big time!

I have to go knocking on the door again, well, more like writing a note again, ahem. Only this time, I am more wary about it - this girl that just moved in upstairs, is a butch-looking, kretek-smoking, punk-haired woman. I might get more than water dripping on my head! Ikh.

What do I do? Grin and bear it? Nope, I won't be opening my mouth anywhere near the drips, definitely.

Adjust You Must

Someone, I forgot who, said something like "the only constant thing in life is change". I usually hate all these words of wisdom, preferring the more direct and corny song lyrics (hence the reason I cannot remember the guy's name I suppose), but in this case it definitely proves to be true. I have been doing a lot of thinking over the long weekend, what with Joe wheezing into town for one day and going back to Chicago, Ann's wedding, Jip's weekend visit, and the obvious one, R's departure to Cape Town for two weeks - all these things affect me. I am glad for the visits, and I am sad for the departures, I am happy for Ann (she was gorgeous at the reception, and yes, I bought this pewter fruit bowl inspired by the V&A collection as a gift, if you are wondering. No not the typical shiny type, but one made to look antique) . I digressed, but what I wanted to say was, they affect me, and I guess more so in my current situation. I feel lopsided, I feel limp, too many movements, too many changes. And imagine when he is gone for 3 years ( which is equal to forever, it seems to me) imagine the hollowness.

But change I must, adjust I should. What else can I do? Whatever change means, I do not know at this point, but I know I must get out of this rut and start doing something. I can't afford to wear black and mourn, nor can I just hide myself in bed and not face the world (God, I will be so pale). I must.

I know through the course of getting there I will chicken out more than once, I will give up a thousand more times, but I need to do that.

Whoever says that life gets better as you get older really doesn't know shit about life. Trust me, I know.

p/s: Ever heard Patti Austin's 'Say You Love Me'? Discovered it by chance, and I love it!

Wedding...Wedding...Wedding

3 more days to her wedding, and I have yet to decide on what gift to buy for my friend Ann. The issues are, as I have technically analysed them:

1. She has everything that money can buy
2. She has expensive taste
3. I have a small budget
4. I want something unique to give her

Those things from Tiffany will definitely resolve issues 1 and 2, but to accommodate issues 3 and 4 I will have to give her only the turqoise paper bag. Getting someone to share the present-buying with me will definitely be a good proposition to resolve issue 3, but all my friends seem to have even smaller budget than me, and they want me to take care of issue 4. To resolve issue 4 may be I can paint her something or crochet her some stuff, but I only have 3 days, and that might lead to issue 2 too.

To make things worse, I am invited to two different occasions of the wedding - Saturday evening at her home, and Sunday evening at Shang. So, when do I give the present? Or, worse still, do I need two presents now?

Heh.. may be I should just pretend to be sick. :0

That Relocating Thing

It's time to start sorting through his things for R. For the relocation. To another city. In another country. Tough. Even for someone who is as practical as him. For someone whom I have called heartless too many times (obviously during fights). I saw the list of things to be sold off. Houses, cars, fridges, TVs, beds... He blabbered about things to be given away. Carpets, clothes, plants, DVDs, cat... He didn't mention about things he's leaving behind. Me.

I digressed (heart taking over), so I will steer this back to what I meant to write.

What I wanted to say was, there are so many things that we collect in our lives. Even for the most practical people. I am sure people who go for the zen-look in their home decor have very huge store rooms. I am a collector, and I don't want to imagine if I have to move. I have a pencil dating back from my university days, because it has the Armadillo Day logo (check out what it is at my alma mater's website groups.northwestern.edu/mayfest/background.htm). And that's just one of the many of them, from that period I mean. I have sarongs from my boarding school days, which I kept for the sentimental attachments I feel for them. One ripped when I squatted the other day. :) Books, don't mention it, some I have yet to open to the first page, some I did not even remember buying.

Do we actually need all the things that we possess? I have yet to find an answer otherwise. In the meantime though, I will help R to sort through his possessions, with the hope that it will help me to sort through my most-prized one, my heart. Drama again. :)

Change

A friend who has been extremely reluctant to take up a leading role in the project he is working on surprised me by suddenly accepting the role, and I asked him why the sudden change of mind. He said that he was listening to the sermon during last friday's prayer session and it hit him hard when the imam mentioned that when asked to lead, one must take up the offer and shall not refuse it. So he decided to take the role up. Timely.

It is such a simple statement, no whys mentioned. Somehow it hit me too, and I began to think about it too. Why? I am always thinking, and I need to know why. I guess God wants His people to be brave, to face bigger challenges in the face, and in doing so will make them better people, braver ummah. I think too, that God wants His people to change, to get out from their comfort zones .

And I guess that applies to me too, in the situation that I am facing. I must face the challenge of losing someone dear, I must move on and make something better out of the situation.

It is inevitable.

Thanks Yat, for the awakening little insight, even though you may have never known that it would help me.

Hit In the Chest with A Big Brick

Yes, that's how it felt when he told me the news. Not that I have not been pre-warned. Not that we don't talk about it, and what we would and should do if it happens. But until it is official, I guess I don't take it seriously enough. Perhaps that's just my natural reaction to protect myself from the pain, or I guess to just delay the pain.

Now pain comes like rain, tropical rain, gushing down hard, fast and furious. Pain in the heart.

And yes, he will be going away, at least for two years. And what do I do for the period?

Mourn and wear black? Hide the pain and continue? Move too?

***
Laying in the after glow
I only want to learn what you know
But now you’re leaving
How many hearts must you break?
How many calls must I make?
But now you’re leaving
In this world all that I choose has come unbearable
But love is in your touch
Oh it’s killing me so much
Only when you leave
I’ll need to love you
And when the action has all gone
I’m just a little fool enough to need you
Fool enough too long
Only when you leave, you’ll leave in danger
Oh I’ll make sure that you pay
So give a little passion to a stranger
And take this soul away
I only want to make this things last
So how could this have gone so fast
And now you’re leaving
How many times must I learn
It’ s only when you’ve gone that I burn
And now you’re leaving
In the end, all that I left has come unbearable
It’s hard to change your mind,
So leave it all behind
Only when you leave
I’ll need to love you
And when the action has all gone
I’m just a little fool enough to need you
Fool enough to long
Only when you leave, you’ll leave in danger
Oh I’ll make sure that you pay
So give a little passion to a stranger
And take this soul away

Spandau Ballet - Only When You Leave

This song kept playing in my head today for some reason:

I came across a cache of old photos
And invitations to teenage parties
"Dress in white" one said, with quotations
From someone's wife, a famous writer
In the nineteen-twenties

When you're young you find inspiration
In anyone who's ever gone
And opened up a closing door

She said: "We were never feeling bored
'Cause we were never being boring
We had too much time to find for ourselves
And we were never being boring
We dressed up and fought, then thought: "Make amends"
And we were never holding back or worried that
Time would come to an end"

When I went I left from the station
With a haversack and some trepidation
Someone said: "If you're not careful
You'll have nothing left and nothing to care for
In the nineteen-seventies"

But I sat back and looking forward
My shoes were high and I had scored
I'd bolted through a closing door
I would never find myself feeling bored

'Cause we were never being boring
We had too much time to find for ourselves
And we were never being boring
We dressed up and fought, then thought: "Make amends"

And we were never holding back or worried that
Time would come to an end
We were always hoping that, looking back
You could always rely on a friend
Now I sit with different faces
In rented rooms and foreign places
All the people I was kissing
Some are here and some are missing
In the nineteen-nineties

I never dreamt that I would get to be
The creature that I always meant to be
But I thought in spite of dreams
You'd be sitting somewhere here with me

'Cause we were never being boring
We had too much time to find for ourselves
And we were never being boring
We dressed up and fought, then thought: "Make amends"
And we were never holding back or worried that
Time would come to an end

We were always hoping that, looking back
You could always rely on a friend
And we were never being boring
We had too much time to find for ourselves
And we were never being boring
We dressed up and fought, then thought: "Make amends"
And we were never being boring
We were never being bored
'Cause we were never being boring
We were never being bored

That is Pet Shop Boys' "Being Boring" from the Behaviour album.

Ah...the positive thinking of youth... such a long time ago.

And this is what I did once, being boring

One Is Not Enough?

I once told a very good friend that it's okay to love two people at the same time. Which caused him to not speak to me for a few weeks, and I am sure he would have bashed my face in if I were in front of him at that time. This was when he just got told by the girlfriend whom he was getting engaged to that she was in love with another man too. A few days before their engagement day. (I wonder what he did with the solitaire diamond how-many-carat ring that he bought for her? :) )

Not that I was entirely to be blamed, because he called me like at 3 am when I was fast asleep, so I mumbled whatever came first to my mind at that time.

I must say that having gone through life this long, the concept seems to make more and more sense. You love different people for different reasons, and each person always has his / her own unique characteristics that you just love, be it the dimples on the cheeks (and I am talking about the ones on the face) or the big heart the person has. I have been in that situation too many times. I love R for the shape of the nose, and for being so practical although practicality, when applied to home decor can be disastrous to the sense of aesthetics; and I love A for being needy of me. Both at the same time. Not to mention a couple of others too. :)

There is no real reason for me writing this except that I was reminded again last night of what I had said, and I did tell my friend that I would have to document it on my blog. I know I will be reminded of this time and again by my friend. Of course by now we laugh about it. And my friend has turned the other way anyway, and I leave it to you to figure what I mean! :)

Now It's Stormy Petrol Price Too

Another 10 cents increase in the price of petrol? That's five more ringgits for a tank-full of petrol for my dinky little punto. Pretty soon I will have to ride a bike to work, which would be a dangerous feat to attempt in this city, but then again, a very light pocket is also very dangerous. Sigh... and I thought petrol comes from our own backyard in this country.

It's a Cruel, Stormy World

I have not heard from Na for weeks since the last time she called to tell me that her husband is seeing another woman, and actually quit his job to move to another country to be with that woman. This is Na, who, in the 10 years that I have known and gotten close to her, adores her husband, and has never had anything bad to say about him. And now this. After 20 years of marriage, and 3 children.

Today, I just had this urge to call her to find out how she is and the minute she answered my call, I knew things have gone to hell. And back, probably. She was sobbing, and was not even able to talk properly. What I could gather was that her husband had left in the morning, apparently for good. For the other woman. To another country. Without a single care about her, nor the children. While her older boy just came out from the hospital, treated for depression. While they were getting ready to send him to boarding school tomorrow. No mercy. Worse, she tried to ask him to delay his departure by one day so that they can send the son together to school (imagine begging your husband to stay just one day longer to carry our his paternal duty) and guess what she got in return for that? A shove, which made her fall into the store room, and left her with bruises.

After twenty years, and because of a woman in another country. It leaves me thinking, a lot.